Tag: connection

 
couples therapy alexandria va

10 Tips for a Happy Relationship: Love Thrives On These

Relationship Care Kit

Build a Stronger Love With These 10 Tips

Think of your relationship as a garment you want to last a lifetime. To keep it looking and feeling great, you would strengthen the seams, mend any small rips, and avoid damage to the fabric.

Here are 10 ways to help refresh, reinforce and repair your relationship. And they work. All are backed by research!

1) Show You Care When You Argue

gottman 5to1

Conflict doesn’t have to damage your love. There’s a tipping point, though. Studies show that couples who stay happy together show at least 5 times more positive signs to their partner than negative ones when they argue.

The ‘magic ratio’ is 5:1. For every 1 negative exchange (especially in conflict), at least 5 positive things happen for couples who stay happy after fighting.

The math comes from Dr. John Gottman. Among other things, he counted positive and negative interactions between couples during a disagreement.  When he compared couples who stayed together with those who divorced later, he found the couples who stayed together happily also … Come Read the Rest

Couple comforting each other

Want to Stop Arguing? Why Kindness is the Key

“It feels like we have the same arguments over and over again.”

“I know deep down that I love him, but too often, I just don’t feel it.”

“Why does it take so little to set her off? I barely walked in the door before she started in on me again!”

“Why can’t we solve anything? We can’t stop fighting.”

Couples can love one another very much and still struggle to connect. They can be extremely committed to their relationship. But for some, minor spats keep turning into big arguments.

We see many couples who struggle to communicate. Why do disagreements get worse the more you try to talk?

You might be thinking: “There are so many things to like about him. But for some reason, I just can’t satisfy him.” Or: “She doesn’t see that I’m trying very hard to make her happy.” The paradox is, both partners are unhappy, both want to fix it, and neither seems to know what to do.

Most People Aren’t Selfish Jerks; The Danger is a Habit of

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how much to work on a relationship

The Biggest Sign that You’re Working Too Hard on Your Relationship

We’ve all heard that every relationship takes work. Care, time and attention are necessary – that is indeed how we maintain good relationships. But at some point, you may find yourself asking, am I trying too hard in my relationship??

Often, people can mistake working really hard for being in a good relationship.

Working hard in a partnership is not enough by itself to create a relationship that is healthy and satisfying emotionally for both people. It’s the quality of your connection that counts.

Signs That One Partner Is Trying Too Hard in the Relationship

How can you tell if the work you are doing is feeding a good relationship — or not so much?

The relationship may not be healthy for one or both of you when one partner is doing much more than the other out of concern for the relationship. People in this situation may tell themselves, “This is just what I have to do.”

It’s often hard for the overworking person to see that their partnership can be much more than … Come Read the Rest

accepting differences

A Science-Based Secret to Resolving Differences with Your Partner

Accepting InfluenceHe works long hours; she wants him home for dinner as a family. He likes their place tidy; she forgets to put things away. She wants to hear what he’s thinking; he’s mum.

Couples can fight about almost anything. What matters to their overall happiness is how they learn to resolve their differences. Why do some couples go from conflict back to closeness, while others grow apart? Being able to accept our partner’s influence is key to getting along well.

The Fear of Disconnection

A common — but mistaken — hope is that “getting my way” will make everything all right. When a couple sees that their relationship is in danger, underneath is an urgent need to re-align.

“Our loved one is our shelter in life,” explains psychologist and researcher Sue Johnson. At the first sign of trouble — perceived indifference, rejection, dismissal or abandonment — something inside goes into panic mode. If we think we have lost our partner’s understanding, our fear may drive us to restore it as fast as we can. … Come Read the Rest