Why You Need to Be Vulnerable
We all have a deep hunger to be known, respected and loved. But we fear being vulnerable, which is essential to being present with another. Why is being vulnerable so hard?
Our need to belong is essential to our wellbeing. But asking for the kind of connection we want is scary. It means we have to be vulnerable.
If we want to build a loving relationship or feel closer to someone, we risk rejection. Yet, we can’t enjoy the rewards of tenderness and safety without taking on some risk.
Connection starts with offering our presence. We can offer our presence in small ways — with a smile, or a safe greeting like, “How are you?” We can offer it in bigger ways like “What are you doing for lunch?” Or, “I realized today, how much I enjoy being with you.”
But the thought that someone might scorn our need, our loneliness, or our love is terrifying.
We hesitate to open up because we fear being vulnerable.
Here we look at some of our biggest vulnerability … Come Read the Rest
Deep Listening: How to Create More Intimate Connection
When we want to show empathy, most of us have a good feel for the basics.
We can say, “You sound mad,” or “…glad,” or “…frustrated,” depending on what we hear.
Empathy does go a long way to help your relationship. When you help name another person’s experience, it’s very calming. They feel seen, heard, and supported. “Name it to tame it” is Dr. Dan Siegel’s way of reminding us how we can help each other process and manage intense feelings.
But we can create an even deeper level of conversation. We crave wholehearted connection. Yet it gets squeezed out of our high-speed lives.
I want to help more people take the time to reflect, put their thoughts into words, and share them with each other.
There’s a deep part of our personal experience that many of us dismiss, tune out, or devalue instead of embrace and share. I think it leads to a lot of the loneliness — the emotional deprivation — that people feel.
Can we reclaim the art … Come Read the Rest
How to Bring Intimacy Back into Marriage or Relationship
One of the most magical things about being in love is the intimacy that happens so easily. It’s a thrill when warmth and acceptance flow so naturally you don’t even need to think about it. The closeness you enjoy may include sex, your smiles for each other, hugging, cuddling, kissing, and talking just so the two of you can hear.
As beautiful as it is, intimacy doesn’t rebuild itself automatically. Stumbling blocks emerge for every couple. Often, it is hard to know what to do. Fortunately, love does not require perfect people – just persistent ones. Love needs to be made over and over, like a fresh loaf of bread.
How Do Couples Lose Closeness?
A loss of closeness can happen at any stage of a relationship. In early marriage, some couples struggle to switch from social life to partnered life. One wants to remain involved with friends while the other envisions being home together. In our couples counseling practice, we see guys who keep going out to play sports or hang out with their … Come Read the Rest